Love in the garbage.....

Last night our son came down with a truck and picked up a bunch of junk from our garage. We had missed garbage day a week ago and because of the schedule we would be ten days before the next pick up. Hot August days in Ontario do not lend themselves well to saving garbage.

It might seem like a little thing, but looking more closely reveals it’s a big thing.

He gets up at 5:30 am and drives an hour and a half to his job, and then of course another hour and a half home. We live an hour away from his home. So, yesterday, he spent 5 hours on the road! It only took him 20 minutes to quickly cut up cardboard and pack the truck so that things wouldn’t blow away. Then our six bags of smelly, decomposing crud sat on top of it all and he headed home. There is a dumpster at his workplace and he will deposit it all there in the morning.

I couldn’t even offer him dinner because we had a houseful of guests – so when he left here at quarter to seven he still hadn’t had dinner.

I can’t explain the gratitude I feel for him putting himself out like this for us - and willingly. He acted like it was no big deal.

I know he loves us. I’ve never had a doubt. Still in these expressions – in these moments of love in “action” he demonstrates that in such a solid unquestionable way – my heart swells with gratitude. Not that our garbage is looked after, but that we are blessed with the love of such a wonderful young man.

I’ve been working lately at “being” in the now. Well, in the “now” I am loving my experience with smelly garbage :0)

Seeing it....finally

Yesterday I spent the afternoon driving my wife to a work appointment. The trip was an hour out of the city so it gave us a nice piece of time together. We took the pooch along. There is always something peaceful about him sleeping in the back seat. It was good.

On the way home we stopped and picked up local veggies to have for dinner. I’m so proud of us. We’ve been eating healthy for 9 days now, the pounds are starting to drop, but most importantly, we’re both feeling better. No more popping Rolaids and groaning after dinner. :0)

Our conversation drifted into the uncomfortable territory of my jobless situation. I shared how I was feeling about needing to decide – job, school or my own business. Then, as she so often does, she said just the right things. “I don’t care which of those you choose. I want you to be happy. I’m not worried. We will figure things out. If you’re doing what you love everything will be good. I don’t want you to take a job you aren’t going to enjoy. You need to “live” in your work. I understand that. What do you want to do?”

There it was……what do “I” want. And because she had created such a safe container for me, I was able to answer – for her and for me! As an extravert it’s often that I work things out as I’m speaking about them. When I start a conversation I truly might not know where I’ll land. That was the case this day. As I shared with her my struggles and my worries, my dreams naturally followed.

“I want to help people. I want to coach and mentor people to be their best. I want to support their growth. I want to make a difference. I want to help. I don’t want to just work for someone else. I can see myself working in my own business and doing great, loving it and being successful – for me and for my clients!” And then I was sure. This is what I want. This is a calling really. I’ve been so lucky to try it on in my last job and prove that I love it and that I’m good at it.

“I do want some technical training though.” I was able to say out loud. “I know it’s a lot of money but it will help my confidence and also it will give me the details I’ll need for clients like you.” I looked at her and smiled. She smiled back. “You’re right. You need the training. You need the training to show you – you know this stuff!”

I was able to name my worry that she didn’t want me to work for myself, that she was worried about money, that she wished I’d just get a job. She told me none of those thoughts were hers.

Before bed I went on line at the local University and registered for the first course required for certification in coaching. It starts the middle of September. I can’t wait. I’m so excited! I haven’t felt this enthused about anything in quite awhile.

Thank you wife of mine. Once again you’ve helped me see.

Beginnning again....

Today I took the plunge and started a nutrition and exercise program. Yikes….saying it out loud like this is a little intimidating.

It’s just time.

Before my sister died I had lost 42 lbs and was feeling so healthy and strong. Since that time (Dec 2003) I’ve put all that back on. When I think about why all I come up with is choices. I chose inactivity. I chose comfort food. I chose portions that were double what I needed. I chose to ignore what my body was telling me. (Hey – you’re creating poor health – stop it!)

So – today I choose something new. I’m going to listen to my body. I’m going to recreate this vessel that houses my spirit. I’m going to attend to my physical health the way I attend to my spiritual health. I’m excited.

Thinking about the loss of my sister in my life I’m remembering the impact seeing her body without her spirit had on me. As I looked at her in the coffin I was overcome by the realization that her body was nothing without her spirit. Her body was not her. Her spirit was her. The vibrant, exciting, captivating woman I knew and loved was not there. Her body truly was empty. Contemplating this, could it be that also our spirit is nothing in this world without our physical form? We need this body in order to be present and grounded here.

I believe my sister is on to her next life, and I also believe she has a new and different body hosting her spirit. That body will be as alive, vibrant and captivating as her last one because her spirit creates that energy.

I need my body, and my body needs my mind to make conscious informed choices.

Today, in honour of my sister, I’m beginning again.

Breaking bread with God......

We had friends over for brunch this morning. For 17 years we haven’t had people for brunch because we’ve been in church. A few months ago we decided to take a break and spend some Sundays at home.

I’ve really missed communion – both in terms of community and the bread and wine. For the last few weeks I’ve been thinking about getting back to church and the routine of worship.

This morning, entertaining two friends I experienced a new kind of Sunday morning worship. As I prepared the hollandaise, juice and coffee I was honouring our friends, my wife and myself. I chopped onions, garlic and celery for the home-fries. I coddled the eggs carefully so that they would be perfect. I set a lovely table in celebration of our gathering.

As the four of us pulled up our chairs and dug into our “communion” I smiled and felt the presence of God.

I expect we’ll get back to church because both of us value the traditional worship, but this morning I also brought to consciousness the sacredness of gathering with friends; the intentional nourishment of body and spirit that happens sharing food and conversation.

I love it when God shows up unexpectedly.

Tabu for some......

A friend of mine is blogging his experience in preparing for and running an Ironman. He's inspired me to openness this morning as I read his latest entries. He talked about honesty and openness and his belief that this leads to inner peace.

Here goes.

I'm consistently teasing people that sex is only natural; it's not tabu to talk about and why would anyone be shamed about it. And yet, thinking about writing something related to this physical, spiritual, emotional expression is daunting. This in honor of you my blogging friend...

Last night we went to bed quite late and both my wife and I were exhausted. Even so, 30 minutes later we were both still awake. Suddenly without warning her hands were sliding along my hip and waist. Next my back felt the tender trail of her hand. At once I was alive with desire.


As I turned to her and we embraced and kissed I was overcome with the depth of my caring. My heart pounded and I was keenly aware of my physical responses to her touch and to my full heart. A tangle of legs and arms we were soon oblivious to the hour and our tiredness, and what followed proved to be magical.


Afterward lying exhausted side by side we marvelled at ourselves. Do other people feel this great? Why don't we do this every night??!! How can my legs really feel this dead!! My God we are so lucky.

This morning I'm still basking in the glow of explosive emotions and the physical exhaustion that follows great sex. I'm laughing at myself - almost 50. Did I think my sexuality would wain as I aged? I guess so. Fact is it appears to be the exact opposite. Each year that passes I'm still feeling blessed to be loved by such an incredible person, I can't imagine life without her, and I know we are in a state of grace sexually.


In honor of another friend who played poker with us this week, inside I'm screaming, "Thank you Jesus!"



lol

Lesson from my daughter....

Today I had an old friend come for lunch and an afternoon chat. We went to high school together, stood up for each other when we got married, were present as we had children, witnessed each other's marriages ending.


Then our lives carried on and our paths rarely crossed. We were each creating new lives. Over the next 20 years we reconnected rarely. Regardless, today our conversation flowed casually and I saw so many of the little traits I loved about her still present. I remembered why we had become such great friends and I missed not having seen her for so long. She shared easily her recent hurts and concerns and I identified with her.


When I hugged her goodbye I felt the familiar warmth of sisterhood we shared many years ago.

I wonder how long it will be before we connect again. I recognize we've both created lives with demands, activities and people that aren't common anymore. It will take effort and intentional choice for us to have the spark from today ignite into something more sustainable.

My daughter does such a great job of maintaining her friendships. It's one of the things I've admired about her over the years. In spite of work, school, family, partner or personal demands, she's always made time for her friends.

I think I'll take a page out of her book and focus on putting time and effort into old friends.



Learning from the younger generation ~ I love it!

The first time is awkward....

Am I ready for this? Do I have anything interesting to say? Does anyone care?

These thoughts and others clutter my mind and inhibit my writing. I am ready for this - I must be because I'm doing it. I do have things to say and ~ I need to hear them. Yes, I believe people care.

My intention for this blog is threefold.

1. Get comfortable sharing myself openly - I'm often a better listener and easily focus on the processes of others rather than myself.
2. Create a forum for open sharing - dialogues about experiences, and our responses
3. Learn and Teach

So - with that declaration out of the way....on with the sharing....

I was downsized from my job in January and since that time have been somewhat cacooned. Oh, I'm still engaging with friends and being social, but I've cacooned my spirit, I've pulled into myself as I contemplate my work energies will next be placed.

Planning to attend a charity event last month I was anxious about interacting with people I didn't know. I had anxiety around the inevitable question ~ "What do you do?" Yikes! I imagined my various replies; "Nothing," "I'm in between jobs." "I'm a leadership consultant." "I help people be the best they can be." "I'm looking for work." "I'm a management consultant." On and on I went in my mind, searching for the right response. As it turned out, no one asked :0). I'm smiling as I recognize that's so often the way. I use up valuable "now" time worrying about the "what if's" and often they don't even happen. I can't get that time back and I can't undo the stress I experienced in those moments of anxious worry.

When I was sharing this stress with a friend recently she offered a reply I hadn't thought of. "I'm living off my investments." She suggested that I didn't need to add that my wife was my investment! lol


The learning I've taken from this experience is that I'm now fully motivated to answer questions for myself . What do I do? What do I want to do?

I'm taking some time now, and asking for some help, to clarify my answers so that I can step forward with confidence and enthusiasm.

Well I did it....my first post.