Having the last word....

A dear friend challenged me last night by saying “You’re just like my husband. You always have the last word and you always have something to say about something!”

Even though I love her husband, I’d never thought that he and I were alike. In fact, there have been times over the years when I’ve been very frustrated with him. What to do with this comment? There would be no need to do anything if I wasn’t intrigued. When comments roll off my back often there is no lesson to be had. When I have a reaction; well, that’s my sign that there is a lesson waiting for me to discover. I used to dread these reactions, now I’m so curious about it.

It’s quite something for me to think about doing my inner work on this blog for whoknowswho to see! It’s also amazing how life’s events intertwine to make sense eventually. lol

During the spirituality game we played Wednesday this week I drew a card that said, “You don’t easily talk about yourself. Why?” I asked, “Is this my card to deal with at this time?” and rolled the die. It said “yes”. Through the contemplation and interaction that followed I began to see that I am a much easier listener for others than talker about myself. Although I hadn’t been conscious of it, I do hold back talking about myself. Fine to acknowledge that ~ but the why still hung in the air.

I feel my friend’s comment last night was directly related to this work, even though she wasn’t at the spirituality game and had no knowledge that I’d been working with this issue.

I am blessed with quick wit, so often my comments elicit laughter and I like that. It feels good. Sometimes my comments are insightful – I like that too. Often my comments are in defence of myself. I think that’s related to lingering self esteem issues and feeling I need to prove my worth or value. I’m good at that as well – and here sits another connection – in therapy I’ve been working with just “being” and not so much “doing”; of course that’s related to value as well and the belief that I need to deliver to value myself.

Another connection to my therapeutic work that came up in the game was breathing. Often as my awareness increases I find myself not breathing fully. And then, as I take a full breath I am immediately aware of so many more things in the now; the floor under my feet, the temperature of the air, any sounds that may be occurring. In therapy I’ve been working with this in terms of “just breathe” or be, rather than moving to action. In the game it became clear that I move quickly to action, even without all the facts….I’m encouraged to “take a breath, ask, get the facts”, resist action.

My friend’s comment last night shone another light onto these realities. When I’m snapping out the one liner and commenting on everything in our poker game; that’s action. I could take a breath and consider if a comment is warranted. I may still decide to toss out my wit, but it would be a choice not a defensive habit.

Thank you my friend for your honest and forthright comments. I love that about you and you’ve gifted me especially last night as my understanding and awareness is deepening.